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Eh..you don't want to know.
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Happy birthday to me
Tomorrow I will be 25. And I'm doing
absolutely nothin'. It's just another day to me now. I
remember when birthdays were so much fun and I couldn't wait to become
a year older. Now I wish I could just turn back to clock. *sigh*
I must say, I totally love the idea of internet journals, weblogs if
you will. But I totally hate having to censor myself in
them. I like to put these things up to let my friends know what's
up with me and my life when I don't get to talk to them so much.
But then there are times when I really want to vent about certain
people and situations but I can't do it because they've got the link
and it would only make my problems worse.
Like, me and Grant are good in so many ways. But then there are a
lot of ways that we aren't. A lot of the time I just don't feel
important to him and at times, I feel like he takes pleasure in making
that known. With my last boyfriend, there was never any doubt
that I was first in his life, he always wanted me around, etc.,
etc. That was the one part of our relationship where I felt he
did everything right.
I don't expect to be first in his life, but I also don't expect him to
rub it in my face that he doesn't need me. Yeah, I get it, nobody
really needs anybody but it doesn't make me feel too good about us to
be reminded of that whenever the fancy takes him. Plain and
simple, he can be a real inconsiderate prick but I guess that's
anybody. I mean, I could see if I was being a bitch and he was
just giving it back to me but it's not like that. We've been
dating 7 months and haven't had a single fight yet. If he says
something that bothers me, I usually just let it go because I don't
think he realizes what he says is hurtful. But then there are
times when he's just mean for no reason. That first real fight is
sitting there, lurking, right at the surface and when it erupts, it's
going to be brutal.
God. This topic has put me off of any other topic I wanted to talk about. Harumph.
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Posted: 6:22 PM, Sunday, December 4, 2005 |
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