Question

"My girlfriend and I have been together for over two years. We live 70 miles apart and I see her on the weekends. I mostly go to see her. She is 8 weeks pregnant. At the start of March I had to go into the hospital for surgery. She was coming up on the weekends to see me until she had plans with her friends one weekend. I knew I wouldn't see her for two weeks and I had to go back into the hospital. We had a big argument and she dumped me. We both said horrible things. She now says she just wants to be friends. She has changed the baby's first and second names. I went up to visit her and she had cleared all our engagement and other pictures away and gave me all my clothes back. When she talks about the baby she keeps on saying "our baby" and still wants me to go to scans and be part of the birth. But it feels like I'm being kept at arm's length. I got so angry that I told her to just contact me when the baby's born. Please help with advice."

Answer:

Congratulations on the soon to be born baby, I'm sorry you're having trouble in the relationship at this exciting time. Start by asking yourself what you want in the relationship. Do you want to be back together? Are you okay with the relationship ending but want to be part of your child's life? First figure out what you want and then we can go from there.

If you want to be back together then you both need to address the comments you each made in the heat of the moment. You're going through an emotional time together and that can cause both of you to say things you don't really mean. At the time your girlfriend became pregnant you probably planned to stay together and start a family. If this is the case, then you need to get the relationship back to the feelings you had when you first found out about the impending baby.

If instead you've made peace with the relationship ending then you need to shift your focus to providing for your baby.

At a minimum, this means financial support, but also working out together the role you'll play as a father.

For five years, I was a single mother with two boys. And even though I was lucky enough to have a steady guy (a single dad) in the picture, questions came up all the time. Was it okay for all of us to sleep over at one of our houses? Should we take vacations together? When this relationship ended and another one began a few months later, I was in uncharted waters again.

Based on these experiences and the advice of JoAnn Magdoff, a psychotherapist in private practice in New York, I came up with ten rules for single moms. If you're dating—or want to be but feel nervous about it—keep these tips in mind.

1. You make the rules. Many people seem to have an opinion about single mothers, and their advice when it comes to your private life is: Take up needlepoint. Forget them. A single mother can date, seriously or casually. A single mother can be seen out dancing on a Saturday night. A single mother can even have sex!

2. Nobody loves a parade. It's not necessary to introduce your kids to every guy who takes you to a movie. Wait until you're secure in the relationship before you let your kids perceive someone as "Mommy's boyfriend." Have a reliable sitter lined up, suggests Magdoff, so you don't end up bringing children along before you're ready.

3. Don't lean too hard too soon. Resist the temptation to make the new guy a parenting helper right away, adds Magdoff. Until you've actually decided that the time is right, don't ask him to pick up your daughter from ballet just because it's on his way over for dinner. "Hold back," Magdoff says. "Don't have him take on parenting roles until it feels stupid not to. When all three of you are saying, 'But ballet class is right by his office,' then it's time."

4. Nothing but the truth. While discretion is recommended, lying and sneaking are not. If you think extramarital sex is okay, when questions arise you should be able to explain to your children (in an age-appropriate manner) why and under what conditions. If you can't, then don't do it. Behave as you want your kids to when they reach early adulthood.

5. Have your priorities straight. Keep your hormones in check when making decisions. Maybe it's more important for you to be at the school basketball playoffs than away for the weekend with your beau. But on the other hand:

6. Don't be a martyr. Magdoff warns against using your kids as an excuse to avoid intimacy—putting them between you and your social life. In other words, sometimes the weekend away is more important than the basketball game.

7. When you're out, be out. One way single mothers sabotage relationships and act out their guilty feelings, Magdoff adds, is by talking about their children constantly while on a date. "Five minutes max," she says.

8. Don't succumb to pressure. My long-term relationship was a lot more than dating and a lot less than marriage—and was sometimes a little difficult to explain to outsiders. But it was right for me and my kids at the time. I did what I thought best, and that's why I have no regrets.

9. Leave when it's time. One of the more trying moments in a single mother's life is splitting up with someone her kids care about. I know women who have stayed in iffy relationships "for the kids." This makes even less sense when you're not married. Change and loss are part of life, things everyone has to deal with. If a particular bond is really strong, perhaps there's a way for that adult and child to maintain a connection.

10. Expect resistance. Magdoff says, "Lots of times women are dating perfectly nice guys and their kids are horrible to them, especially if it's the first guy after the divorce or the first one you get serious about." One articulate ten-year-old Magdoff knows admitted to his mother: "It's not Bill who's the problem—I like him. It's you. I used to have you all to myself, and now I have to share you." Acknowledge and accept kids' feelings. Say, "I love you as much as ever, but sometimes I'm not here when you want me to be. I like to spend time with my friends, just like you do." Don't let your kids control you—or try and force them to like the guy, either.

If you associate pumpkins only with Halloween and Thanksgiving, think again. Fresh pumpkin is available throughout the winter and its use extends beyond the jack-o'-lantern, seeds and pie filling. In spirit of its cold weather harvesting, whip up pumpkin ice cream.

What makes pumpkin pie so irresistible is what makes pumpkin ice cream so sweet and delicious--the soft orange flesh (which is packed with Vitamin A). Depending on your patience and time, there are two ways to get the main ingredient: roast it or buy it canned.

To roast your own, give the kids quarters of a smallish pumpkin and large spoons to scrape off the fibrous interior and push out the seeds. (Save the seeds for drying and roasting later.) Lay the pieces skin side up on a baking tray lined with foil and bake at 450 degrees for 1/2 hour or until easily pierced with a fork. Bring the children back with their spoons and let them scrape the flesh off the rind, into a large bowl. Next, give them a large wooden spoon and show them how to mash it until it's smooth.

The other option requires only a can opener. Lynda Hannan says, "John had already went through three to four pumpkins and roasted the seeds. By the time this came along, I was a little tired of the mess (and out of pumpkins)." Needless to say, Lynda opted for the canned puree.

What You'll Need:

• A double boiler, or a large stainless steel bowl over a large saucepan of water
• A whisk
• A large spoon (metal or wooden)
• 2 qt. saucepan
• 1 measuring cup
• Measuring spoons
• A sieve (optional)
• Ice-cream maker, electric or hand-crank

 Ingredients:

• 3 eggs
• 3/4 cup brown sugar (light or dark)
• 1/8 cup confectioners sugar
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon
• 3/4 teaspoon allspice
• 3/4 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup scalded milk (milk that has been heated just below the boiling point)
• 1 1/4 cup pumpkin
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Parents, let the kids measure the first portion of dry ingredients into the double boiler or the stainless steel bowl. Jack Hannan's mom reports, "He loves dumping the ingredients. Even Katie (21 months) is old enough to take a turn at emptying the measuring spoons into the bowl."

Then you can whisk the eggs until the mixture thickens enough to coat and stick to the back of a metal spoon. Then, again, turn it over to the kids. Allow them to pour the scalded milk (cooled), vanilla, and the pumpkin puree, stirring gently. If you like, you could pass the result through a sieve for smoother consistency. Let the mixture cool in the refrigerator or freezer, but don't let it freeze. Or, do as LaClair's did because they didn't have an ice-cream maker. Peggy LaClair reports, "Keith put some in a cup and put it in the freezer for about one hour. Even though the directions said not to let it freeze, it seemed just like ice cream."

The LaClair's had another great variation for their creation-ice cream topping, taking the chilled mixture and pouring it over store-bought ice cream.

Add pumpkin ice cream to your holiday happ'nings.

• Pumpkin ice cream served over warm waffles and drizzled with maple syrup makes a perfect Sunday night supper.
• Bring a dreidel game to a happy finish with a full serving of pumpkin ice cream for everyone.
• The zingy flavor of pumpkin ice cream complements the traditional Christmas sugar cookie.

I'm so happy today, cause my mommy took me to grandma's house with her... Granny is a really cool old lady, she does everything I like and she's always smiling at me. I also love to touch all those wrinkles in her face, grandpa has a lot of wrinkles too and he even has hair in his chin, it's funny to touch it!

I feel comforted by the sound of running water and I love to sit peacefully close by while Mom or Dad takes a shower. They put me in an infant seat or car seat. They also take the little bundle into the bathroom so I can see Mom or Dad and hear a parent's voice. Mom sais that when I get a little older, games of peek-a-boo will work very well from the shower! Can't wait for that!!!

My parents were very insecure when I came home from the delivery room.

Mom remembers her own trial-and-error early days of parenthood. She says her early mistakes were all part of becoming a seasoned parent.

The best advice she said she could give a new mother is to not worry about what you don't know, the important things, like hugging and loving, will come to you. The other things aren't hard to learn. And, as long as a baby is always handled gently and with love, parents don't need to be afraid of making mistakes. These mistakes make for great memories and wonderful stories when the kids are older.

I guess she's totally right!

Here is a really nice blog, would you care to take a look at it?

http://loveurway.journalspace.com

Hope you all like it - Kiss!

For weeks, a 6-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child.

The 6-year old was obviously impressed, but he made no comment.

Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever became of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"  

They are my best friends!!!

Gather all supplies before starting bath- fill basin with warm water.

Undress baby and wrap him in towel on padded surface exposing only the area you are working with at one time.

Wet washcloth with warm water (no soap) Wipe eyes from inside corner to outside corner and pat face dry.

Wash baby's neck, face chest, arms, and legs with warm water and mild soap, rinse and pat dry.

Lay baby on stomach and wash his neck back and legs, rinse and pat dry.

Bundle baby in towel and hold using one arm to support head and neck. Cradle baby over basin to shampoo, rinse and pat dry with towel.

Remove diaper and wash diaper area (no soap on newly circumcised penis) Rinse with washcloth wiping front to back and pat dry.

Doctors and scientists have been trying to find the cause of colic for over half a century now. The reports from hundreds of studies of colicky babies are confusing and often contradictory. Some have claimed miracle cures that are hard to believe----babies suddenly got better when parents kept their booties on twenty-four hours a day, or fed them sugar water, or took eyelashes out of their eyes. Most of these studies involved only a few colicky babies and no controls, so we can't know whether the cure really worked or whether the babies got better because they outgrew the problem or their diet or environment changed. More often than not, the results of these studies could not be duplicated when the experiments were run again.

Perhaps the most valuable colic studies have focused on the baby's belly. Throughout history, people have believed that the constantly crying baby was experiencing some kind of abdominal pain; the word colic, in fact, comes from the Greek work kolikos, an adjective derived from kolon meaning the large intestine. We still don't know, however, whether belly pain is always or even usually the cause of crying in the many babies said to suffer from colic. Some parents assume their babies have bellyaches because they draw up their legs when they cry, but babies do this when they hurt in any part of the body. Besides, specialists believe babies can't localize pain--that is, no matter where the hurt originates, babies feel it in the abdominal region. Still, when you can hear your baby's belly gurgling, and when she doesn't calm down until you lay her on your arm and massage her abdomen, you know your baby's crying has to do with her digestion.

It´s much easier and fun to grow babies than to grow grass (including the legal part), I love this photo, what do you think of it? So, sit down on your desk and give it a deep think! Will you?

Oh yes I'm!!

My mom and my dad say this all the time!!

Welcome to my blog!