Question

"My girlfriend and I have been together for over two years. We live 70 miles apart and I see her on the weekends. I mostly go to see her. She is 8 weeks pregnant. At the start of March I had to go into the hospital for surgery. She was coming up on the weekends to see me until she had plans with her friends one weekend. I knew I wouldn't see her for two weeks and I had to go back into the hospital. We had a big argument and she dumped me. We both said horrible things. She now says she just wants to be friends. She has changed the baby's first and second names. I went up to visit her and she had cleared all our engagement and other pictures away and gave me all my clothes back. When she talks about the baby she keeps on saying "our baby" and still wants me to go to scans and be part of the birth. But it feels like I'm being kept at arm's length. I got so angry that I told her to just contact me when the baby's born. Please help with advice."

Answer:

Congratulations on the soon to be born baby, I'm sorry you're having trouble in the relationship at this exciting time. Start by asking yourself what you want in the relationship. Do you want to be back together? Are you okay with the relationship ending but want to be part of your child's life? First figure out what you want and then we can go from there.

If you want to be back together then you both need to address the comments you each made in the heat of the moment. You're going through an emotional time together and that can cause both of you to say things you don't really mean. At the time your girlfriend became pregnant you probably planned to stay together and start a family. If this is the case, then you need to get the relationship back to the feelings you had when you first found out about the impending baby.

If instead you've made peace with the relationship ending then you need to shift your focus to providing for your baby.

At a minimum, this means financial support, but also working out together the role you'll play as a father.