Let me tell you this week has been some kind of week....my father-in-law had surgery,hopefully he will come home today....my father got arrested once again for dui..he gets to serve some time for that (when will he learn?)I have a meeting with my friends that I made at the crisis unit today....hopefully we wont get that snow storm that they are predicting because I really dont want to be snowed in!!! Next week is going to be crazy I have a meeting with my counselor on Monday,Valentines day is on Tuesday, My father-in-laws birthday is on Wed. I have to work on Thurs. and Sunday!!! sigh!

I have a stupid cold that Eric gave me (thanks alot!) So, Im trying to get over it and all the meds are making me sleepy....its going to be a load of fun if I lose my voice while trying to work! And another thing have you ever noticed that your significate other is always in the mood when you are sick?? Why is that???

Im doing some family research and have hit a brick wall after finding my great-great-great grandparents,I guess I will keep having to hack away until I can find what Im looking for...

I just finished a book that is the last in the series...the minford series...and let me just say that although everything was wrapped in a nice neat package....I felt that it still didnt end right...you know the books that they hurry up and wrap everything up really quickly leaving out what you feel are important details? That drives me nuts! lol

Anyways enough complaining for me~

So, I had this wierd dream that I was a senior in high school again! This year will be our 10 year reunion (gag me!) Sure, there are a few people that I would like to see and catch up with but, the rest of them forgitaboutit!!! I was one of those kids that everyone made up rumors about to pass the time, you know the typical stuff OMG! she's a pregnant lesbian! the sad thing is that the girl that I considered to be one of my best friends started the lesbian crap about me! I know what your thinking that was over 10 years ago and you should move on blah blah blah! I was hoping to have lost all my extra weight and look like something that belonged in a magazine before my reunion came up you know what I mean.....but, its not like Im going to go I could care less about the bullshit! toodles and poodles to all....

So, my husband and i are looking into adopting a foster child...I am really dredding the process but, I have to focus on the reward of giving a child a family that doesnt have one. Knowing my luck We will adopt and than I will become pregnant!

After almost 5 yrs of trying to get prego with no sucuess I think this is the right path for us.

My husband talked me into going to church on Sunday but, we can't decide where to go...my husband is baptist and I am technically seprate baptist but, the methodist church is closer. plus I dont think god gives a flip where you go as long as you go.

So, I finally found a job doing in store events. Looking forward to doing that. Planning a trip to Cleveland,OH for the March on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame that the KISS army is doing. Really looking forward to that!!!! I can't wait to be a part of KISStory!!!!!

So, I've been sleepy all day long!!!! And hugary!!! Its really gettin on my nerves!!!!

I read somewhere that Paul Stanley was going in to have more surgery on his hip,..bless his heart that man can really make me wet! lol

Anyways just update this site. ttfn!

So, I'm looking for a job...posting my resume and all that good stuff and I start getting all these intresting job offers for different companies. Like the latest is a canadian electric company....Now what can a girl from a small town in Kentucky do for a company like that? Good ego boost though....

My counselor has suggested that I start documenting my mental illness and the day to day stuff so that I can notice more of a pattern with things...this past week I've been in like a fog, can't remember anything, can't function very well but I guess it all comes with the terretory.....I think the scariest thing was when I completely blanked out in the middle of town not knowing who i was or where I lived.....

I know that no one reads this so I guess I feel kind of safe posting it here, because no one knows about it.

So, I've been lookin at different places to go on vacation this summer and let me tell you the price of airline tickets will just about break the bank! Than you have the price of a hotel, the rental car or cab fees and on top of all that you've still got to eat!!! Not to mention the fact that you have to pay out the ass to get into some of the attractions once you get there! Its enough to make you want to stay at home!

I have lost a total of 20lbs on this diet!!!! One of my fears though is that once I've lost the weight will people treat me the same or will they treat me different? I guess another question is will I act the same or will I act different? I've been overweight so long that when its all gone what will I hide behind? I started overeating to hide the pain that my parents divorce put me through and instead of dealing with it I just simple put food in my mouth. So the big question is What can I do to not make me gain so much weight again????

I have been on Trimspa x32 for a week now and have lost 4lbs!!!

First I think I should say that the heaviest that I was, was 260lbs....

I got down to 240lbs on my own and so far on trimspa I am now down 236lbs. Some people may look at this and say thats not a lot of weight to lose but when you are this heavy its an extreme amount.

So I've started the whole trimspa challange thing...I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing diet exercise all that jazz!!!! Got into a spat with my psychiatrist about placebo drugs....I was in a good mood that day so I argued right back with him!! Why is it that doctors like to argue with you? Some doctors dont even want you participating in your treatment but I say fuck that!!! your the one trying to get better so you should be active in your treatment!!!

Ok back to the diet thing...does diet aids work??? well according to my doctor the only reason that they work is because your getting more exercise and your eating like you should....but what about the diets where people are eating like they normally do and still lose weight???

So I started a diet today...Im trying to lose weight before we go to Puerto Rico for our anniversary...I got some trimspa and if it works great but I have to work on my willpower that is a must!!! I have the sweet tooth from hell! I love chocolate more than I do my cat!

Im having a friend take some before pictures of me so that I can actually tell if Im losing weight or not...I think my husband doesnt want me to lose weight because than guys would be checking me out and he feels threatened now with the chubby chasers looking at me!

Currently my husband and I are planning an anniversary trip to Puerto Rico and let me tell you airfare is not cheap. This will be the first time for both of us flying and of course we are on the plane longer than we will probably be in Puerto Rico! I've always dreamed of fly to some strange exotic land and learning about the type of life that the natives live. Maybe I will get bit by the travel bug and fly to Paris (a trip that I've wanted to take since high school) Who knows.....

I love to cook and I love to experiment with food...last night I made a Puerto Rician dish called Polilo de fancaise (something like that) My father-in-law (who came to american from Puerto Rico) knew imediatly what it was  and instantly corrected me on how to say it (the man refuses to speak spanish!!!)  My husband who was leary of it because the ingrediants goobled up every last bit of it over the course of the night like his life depended on it! Maybe I was Puerto Rician in a past life?

When I was a little girl I would look at the covers of my parents KISS albums in fasination. By the time I was four when people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would say Gene Simmons. The blood spitting, fire breathing bass player for KISS. Here lately some people have been dogging him saying that all he cares about is the almighty dollar and getting laid. Well I think thats true, but isnt that true for all of us, we all want to have money and we all love sex so whats the difference in him and us? Is it because he has better access to it?  He's living out his dream, something we all wish we could do!

I absolutely hate waiting on something! I hate having to be patient! I wish that you could like speed up time to get whatever done. But once again I have to remind myself that if you  spend your day thinking about tomorrow that you miss today.  Patience is a virtue and all that jazz! 

So I was watching South Park last night (the greatest show on earth!) And it was like a dream inside a dream type thing it was kinda wierd. Cartman rules! It freaks my husband out that I have watched it so long that I can do some of the voices, he says that I must have had way to much tme on my hands in order to figure out that I can do it! But thats ok, alot of people think its cool that I can sound like Cartman!

I sit in front of the t.v. all day playing the video game Blood Rayne. It's really cool its's like Blade only with a girl vampire. I think that they should have a group for people are gamers. I love sim games, I cant help myself!!!