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It's Raining Cats and Grog In La Liga

For all those complaining about the standard of referees in the Premiership, be grateful you don't live in Spain - where the simple act of calling a referee a "sh*thead" can see you sent from the field of play. Outrageous...

In an alternate dimension not far from our own, Barcelona were facing Real Madrid on Saturday night in an encounter that was actually meaningful. In this idyllic parallel universe - where Vernon Kay's parents had never met and where Wednesdays don't exist - Ronaldo had scored his last minute penalty three weeks ago to defeat Valencia  and the galacticos had then thrashed Real Betis, to close the gap on a faltering Barcelona to just seven points. It was game on.

Unfortunately, in our own grim reality, Ronaldo had missed his spot kick and a lacklustre Real had drawn 0-0 with Betis, to face the league leaders in the latest instalment of 'el classico,' a near insurmountable eleven points behind. For this reason and despite some half hearted attempts in the Spanish media at hype, the build up to this particular encounter was the most subdued in years. As the locals put it - the match was 'decaf'.

With Barcelona already having one hand on the championship trophy and more occupied with a Wednesday night Champions League date with Benfica, the main interest in the clash was seeing whether Real could gain revenge on opponents who had humiliated them in November with a 3-0 footballing lesson in the Bernabeu.

Despite the well-publicised problems besetting Real, there were signs that a shock could have been possible in the rematch. The visitors to the Nou Camp were still high from a morale boosting 4-0 thumping of Deportivo, whilst Barca were struggling to find the net, having had two successive 0-0 draws from their previous outings.

However, indiscipline from the Real ranks and interference from the referee - as is now fashionable in Spain - ensured that a victory was always going to be a uphill struggle for Lopez Caro's men.

The game started brightly enough, with both teams bristling with attacking intent - Barca's gangly Mark Van Bommel, in particular, enjoying the space afforded to him by the less than defensive-minded midfield pairing of Guti and Julio Baptista.

The breakthrough for the home team was to arrive in the 20th minute and naturally it was in dramatic circumstances, with Van Bommel throwing himself to the ground in response to Roberto Carlos' sliding tackle, to win a spot kick that even the Dutch midfielder doubted was valid, "I felt contact, but I don't know if it was a penalty." Footballer-speak for "I dived like Greg Louganis."

The diminutive Brazilian full back then found himself in the referee's book for the first time after continuously preventing Ronaldinho from taking the subsequent spot kick - which his compatriot duly converted. This only incensed Roberto Carlos further and he soon let referee, Medina Cantalejo, know his feelings, by reportedly informing him that "both you and you (pointing to the linesman) are a couple of sh*theads." Nice.

The predictable response to this unwise but arguably valid observation was Roberto Carlos' first dismissal since 2001, at the hands of a short-tempered referee who has had the pleasure of red carding David Beckham twice in the past. 

This moment of madness from the vice-captain ended any realistic aspirations Madrid may have had in winning the encounter, although they did equalise in the 36th minute with Ronaldo scoring for the third successive game. Julio Baptista fed a perfectly weighted through ball for his Brazilian team-mate, who then beat the offside trap, outsprinted Thiago Motta - who pulled up with a hamstring problem - and chipped the ball beautifully over Victor Valdes.

The second half was a furious Barca assault on the Real goal, but thanks to a combination of yet another miraculous performance from Iker Casillas - officially the busiest 'keeper in the league - and some awful finishing from the league leaders, Madrid were able to hang on for a draw. Not the result they wanted, but respectable under the circumstances.

Frank Rijkaard also seemed fairly content with the point - "with a bit of luck, we could have scored more" - but he will now be very concerned with the growing number of injuries that his side are picking up. Added to the long term absences of Xavi, Leo Messi and Rafael Marquez are Motta and quite possibly Carles Puyol, who suffered concussion from a nasty clash of heads with Sergio Ramos. All in all, a serious problem with Benfica coming to town.

Despite Real dropping two more points, they remain in second place after Osasuna's incredible 4-0 home defeat to Getafe - with Serbian striker, Veljko Paunovic contributing two goals to one of the most surprising scorelines of the season.

Valencia put an argumentative week behind them by knocking five goals past second from bottom Cadiz, in their first victory in six. Whilst Quique Flores may have been alarmed to see his side concede three in return, he will have been cheered by the appearance of ex-Arsenal midfielder Edu for his first match of the season, after a prolonged spell on the sidelines.

The victory lifted Valencia above Osasuna to third, two points from Real Madrid. Celta hung onto fifth place after a 3-0 away day thumping of Atletico Madrid - a result that almost certainly condemns the rojiblancos to another disappointing season.

All the home fans in Calderon could do to express their frustration was wave their "we're fed up" signs at the referee and watch as he made one of the worst penalty decisions in history, by interpreting a clumsy miskick and tumble from a Celta midfielder, Borja Oubiña,  as a foul.

The home support, like may fans across Spain this weekend, were left wishing that the men in black had gone ahead with their threatened strike, after all - a sentiment shared by midfielder, Gabi, "I think the club should do something about about the referees, so they stop treating us like fools."

Villarreal continued their fight for another season of European football with a handy 1-0 victory at Zaragoza to remain in eighth, one place behind Deportivo who beat Racing Santander 2-0.

In the drop zone, Malaga continue their isolation in last place after a 3-0 away defeat at Real Sociedad, who themselves remain third from bottom. Mallorca are one place above them after a 0-0 draw with Espanyol - a team slowly being sucked into the relegation mire. Alaves also managed a 0-0 draw, against Athletic Bilbao.

The most intense encounter on La Liga's calendar was saved until Sunday evening - Real Betis' clash with fierce city rivals Seville, a match where thrills and spills are always guaranteed.

The build up to this particular game started as early as Wednesday, with Betis' penny pinching president, Manuel Ruiz de Lopera responding to criticism of a ticket price hike for the visiting Seville fans with the barbed comment that, "if you want to watch a Champions League team, you have to pay for it" - a bit of a dig at the UEFA Cup status of the opposition, whose Champions League spot Betis nicked in a dramatic finale to last season.

Seville supporters responded in turn by smashing the windows of Betis' club shop and hurling red paint at the ticket office the following day. By the time the game kicked off at 9pm on Sunday night, the tension levels had increased to such an extent that running battles between the two sets of fans, in the bowels of the stadium, were as inevitable as corruption scandals in Marbella.

On the field - onto which a whole manner of objects had been hurled, ranging from golf balls to empty rum bottles - Seville were hoping to continue their chase for a Champions League spot whilst Betis, now looking safe from relegation, were looking for three more points to make their league situation more comfortable - whilst putting one over their despised rivals in the process.

Betis took the lead in the 15th minute when Robert was brought down in the box in a clumsy challenge by David Castedo. The Brazilian forward duly scored the penalty and triggered scenes of absolute mayhem in the Betis stands, which already resembled a post-apocalyptic wasteland of burning fires and flares.

Seville equalised in the 26th minute after a neat spin and shot from Javier Saviola, but their opponents regained the lead just before half time with a tremendous strike from Iogro Verela - his first for the club - making it 2-1.

Despite the occasional crunching tackle and booking, much of the second half was fairly quiet, so the pyromaniac Betis fans occupied themselves by setting fire to both a Seville flag and their own seats. They also released a cat onto the pitch. Happily the feline intruder was unfazed by the experience and bounded across the field into the arms of a steward - who then clubbed it to death. Not really.

However, this being the Seville derby, controversy was not far off and the visitors had a clear penalty turned down in injury time when Saviola was pulled to the ground by Betis' Oscar Lopez. The referee turned down the frantic appeals from the Seville players, having decided that it was yet another dive from the Argentinean striker - or that the risk to his own personal safety and that of his car was too high to award a spot kick. A wise decision. 

So, the three points and local pride went to Betis, who move into a very comfortable mid-table spot, whilst Seville held onto to fifth, four points behind Osasuna.

In another forgettable weekend for the Spanish league's referees, the main footballing headlines were taken, unsurprisingly, by the events at the Nou Camp - in the clash of La Liga's very own two Ronnies. With eleven points still separating Barcelona from Madrid and just seven matches left, it really is goodnight from at least one of them.